its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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