I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
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