MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize