I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
