somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
