Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
