Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
