i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
