I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
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