So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
