We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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