My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
