You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
he thought i was a dude.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
