just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
