wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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