I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
