Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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