Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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