If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
