just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
