my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize