I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
