East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
