The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
