Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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