He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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