I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
