dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize