Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
True but thats because hes a fetus.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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