Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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