i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
In America we eat man semen.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
