i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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