why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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