What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
