i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
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