Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
