Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
