Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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