There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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