just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
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