what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
The ass gains better be worth it
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