Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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