he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
