you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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