Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize