shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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