I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
