Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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