WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
His hands were made for my vagina.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize