this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Randomize
