The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
