He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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