why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
