i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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