everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
