I feel like abortions should bother me more
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
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