she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
