All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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