dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
