Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
