I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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