guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
