I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
