I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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