She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
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