Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
it hurts more in the daytime
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
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