You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
