So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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